There are a bunch of tough guys out there who claim they aren't afraid of anything - this article is not for them. It's for the rest of us who meet fear so often that it's overlooked! By far, the greatest fear for many is the fear of death and I don't have any solution for that. However there are less significant fears whose sum total becomes problematic.
When was the last time you felt afraid? What kind of fear was it? Sometimes our fears are buried so deep in the pool of thoughts; we don't really want to call ourselves "afraid". But it's only when the victim is exposed that it can be attacked!
And this brings us to the first strategy I want to talk about.
1st Strategy
Ever played chess? What do you do to win over your opponent? Check-mate! The same strategy applies here. Isolate your fear into a lone corner and attack. A classic example is defeating the fear of height. I had been a victim of this phobia for a long time until one day I went to the battlefield (a theme park) fully loaded with weapons (positive thinking). The first round of the roller coaster- like ride scared the crap outta me. The second round was less crappy. In the third round, holy crap, I was laughing! Fear conquered!
Think of this strategy like killing an insect. First we corner it in a place it can't escape from. And then we let Piff Puff force its death charm onto the poor little creature. The only difference is, while conquering fear, part of YOU is that insect. (But don't worry, that's the ugly part you want to get rid of). Think about it: your fears are like that creepy little insect which is weak and poor and making you the same! (A person is known by the company he keeps).
I want you to think and pop up with an example from your life. Hydrophobia? Spider phobia? Astraphobia? Bibliophobia? Stage fright? Did you realize that most of these fears are a result of some external stimulus? Fear is like a sleeping tiger. It wakes up when it sees meat! If you are spider phobic, it's only in the presence of spider that you feel afraid. If you are afraid of public speaking, it's only displayed when you are on stage. Rest of the time, the tiger insider you is peacefully asleep. I confess I had a very embarrassing fear lately - fear of speaking to the opposite sex. But this phobia set off my alarms only where beauties were around, geeks are less harmful!
My point - and the 2nd strategy to conquer fear - is to actually tame the tiger!
2nd Strategy
The 2nd strategy is to tame the tiger. Be friends with it and you'll rule the jungle! The strategy is more holistic than the previous one and makes you want to go to the battlefield. Whereas in the first strategy we focused on killing the opponent, here our aim is to turn them into allies. It's about feeling the fear for the sake of it, just to see what happens! It's about going to the war zone unarmed and winning over the enemies.
That's what I do on the stage. When called upon to deliver an impromptu speech, I don't take along my bag of how-to's rather I dive on the stage feeling nervous and afraid and enjoy it till the last moment. Stage fright is something which is going to vanish after practice and soon I'll never be able to experience it again. Loss of a friend (considering friend as someone who's stayed with you for a long time). It saddens me. So before fear departs away, let me dance with it one more time!
So in this strategy, we think of fear as a limited commodity. After all, fear is good. It's the biological early warning system. It switches on our defense mechanism when something is fishy. It prepares us to plan how to respond. In fact, Gavin de Becker has a written a book which become a best seller called "The Gift of Fear".
Isn't it saddening that this fear might not stay with you for long? So whenever there's an opportunity to meet fear, go grab it. Thank fear for being there with you all those years helping you run away from that stranger with knife. Thank fear for making you so obedient towards your teachers. Thank fear for compelling you to hand over the assignment before deadline. Thank fear for saving your house lest it burned because you forgot to close the stove. Fear, your tiger, has been guarding you all the time. Now that the fear won't be with you so often and you'll have to spend the rest of your life with strategies- thank fear for being there.
Oh fear! See you at the appointed hour.
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